60 Things Worth Shortening Your Life For

In reading Esquire's 60 Things Worth Shortening Your Life For, I found a few things that don't appeal to me...:

6. Lyle Sankey's "Vision Quest" Bull Riding Adventure Experience, Branson, Missouri.
25. Testing your cold-weather driving skills in Arjeplog, Sweden.
42. Secondhand smoking.

...Things that made me laugh:

31. Getting a Road Job.

Sometime before you die, and potentially right before, you must enjoy a blow job while driving a car in excess of eighty miles per hour. Everything about a blow job is better at high speed: the power, the thrill, the feeling you're about to lose control and leave a memorable obituary. A few caveats: The interior design of automobiles has changed since my road-job days, and it seems like it would be impractical in these newfangled models with their obstructive cupholders. It won't work in a Prius, for example, which is a damn shame, because imagine the self-satisfaction of zero-population-growth sex with low carbon emissions. It would probably work in a Hummer. Other considerations: It works best in the Great Plains, where the highways are long and straight; it's safer, and more fun, in broad daylight, particularly if you slow down as you pass a truck; and most important, drinking and driving and dunking don't mix. I can't recall exactly how you talk a woman into going down on you in a speeding car, though. I think it's mostly hand gestures.

-- Larry Doyle

1. Danger dogs.
2. Jersey breakfast dogs.
22. Oysters Mosca at Mosca's in Avondale, Louisiana.
26. Combo No. 4 at the Varsity in Athens, Georgia.
27. The dark-chocolate-and-peanut-butter gelato from Il Laboratorio del Gelato in New York.
28. The fugu (poisonous blowfish) tasting menu at Morimoto in New York and Philadelphia.
35. Duck-fat potatoes.
38. The Carpetbagger steak
44-48. The Five Most Decadent Burgers in the United States of America

And drink:

19. The Ramos ginfizz.
33. Drinking alone.
39. A "three-bagger" of Sazeracs at Tujague's.